How To Win Your Ex Back - First Step

Getting Ready To Fight For Your Love

Are you at the end of your rope right now, crying and looking forward to nothing except getting your ex back?

Given the circumstances, do not worry because it’s normal.  I know what you are going through because I’ve been there too. However, waiting and taking the necessary steps to control your emotions is beneficial in more ways than one.  

The No-Contact Rule

There is a certain degree of space that everyone needs and during this time, your ex is probably in a world of hurt as well. Life without each other becomes reality for both of you.  But do you believe that absence makes the heart grow fonder? 

If you’re constantly in contact with them and making mistakes like declaring your undying love or bending their arm backwards with guilt trips, you won’t get anywhere.

You cannot love a thing without wanting to fight for it.
~ Gilbert K. Chesterton

So while you’re giving your ex some space, it’s time to prep yourself for what lies ahead.  You need to have a steady head on your shoulders if you want to win this battle so here are a few pointers to do just that:

Pull the Reigns on Your Wayward Emotions

Now, I have to admit. Tears usually form in my eyes when I try to call up an ex for the first time after we’ve broken up. As liberating as a good bawl fest may be for us broken-hearted, you need to keep your emotions in check. Calling up an ex lover with a wavering voice and a bad case of sniffles has the unfortunate tendency of making your ex feel uncomfortable and a little like he or she has no choice but be controlled.
      
Now, I’m not saying that you have to be tough as concrete at all times.  Feel free to let your emotions run wild when you’re alone. But when you’re around other people, putting up your bravest face is your best bet.  It makes things a lot easier if your ex is under the impression that you’re not a wreck.  

Pull A 180 and Change It Up

You can tell everybody as many times as you want that you’re changing your jealous, insecure, or “commitment-phobic” ways. But come on, we all already know that actions speak a lot louder than words. 

Though owning up to your mistakes is half the battle, muster up your best effort to turn yourself around and fix whatever emotional or behavioral imperfections you carry with you.  

Getting your ex back requires the ability to prove that you’ve changed for the better and that you’re completely ready to put your best foot forward when re-entering a relationship.  

Set A Date For Blast Off

Contacting your ex when you’re emotionally incapable is easy.  Most heartbroken people have no qualms about crying to their exes over the telephone. But you have to promise me that you are not going to do this. My first pointer is especially important when carrying this step out because when you first call your ex up, you need to have an aura of happiness surrounding you.  

When you get the courage to make a light and simple phone call, make sure that when you plan to meet up, choose a location that cannot be linked back to your past.  After all, a fresh start is best made in a fresh place. 

Natural curiosity will be enough to draw your ex out to meet you just as long as you make it clear that there isn’t a hidden motive buried beneath it all. 

So how do you keep things light? Take advantage of any possessions that your ex might have left in your care.  If this isn’t an option, maybe suggest that you’d like to meet up on neutral ground for a friendly, drama-free reunion in order to get some closure and get on with life. 

Don’t be discouraged if you don’t get an immediate reply. There could be a plethora of reasons as to why you haven’t received an answer. 

Introduce Your Ex to A Snazzy New You

The age old notion that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder is an important one to hold on to. Avoid turning yourself into a shallow person.  As important as this is, when you’re meeting up with your ex again for the first time, it’s okay to get a little anal about the way you look. You’ve come much too far to meet up with an ex-lover only to look like you’re a basket case.  Dress your best and present yourself in a way that will make you appealing to your ex.  

Not only does this step help with the way you present yourself, it’s also a great way to boost your self esteem.  Looking great ultimately makes you feel great. The added confidence will convince your ex that a change has taken place within you.  

Say No To Being A Bundle of Nerves

The one thing that you don’t want to be when you first reunite with your ex is to seem like a nervous basket case.  A way to keep your nerves in check is to remember that this feeling most likely goes both ways.  

On your way to your meeting spot, come up with a few ways to safely get into a steady groove of casual conversation.  For example, ask how your ex has been doing with their career or inquire about life in general.  Remember when I told you to pick neutral ground? That’s a pretty good conversation starter in itself.  

Own Up Then Shut Up

 No matter how much you hope to delay talking about it and beating around the bush, the topic of conversation will ultimately lead to the relationship you both shared. This is when you take the plunge and own up to your mistakes.   

At this point in the conversation, you may find that your ex is agreeing with everything you’re saying and capitalizing on the fact that you’re talking about the things that you did wrong.  Although it may be difficult, do not - under any circumstances, fight back.  It takes a great degree of control to do this but just take what your ex has to say in stride and avoid firing back their imperfections.  

The point here is to give your ex the opportunity to get rid of any baggage they may be carrying and show that you’re willing to listen. If all things go well from this point on, there’s a high chance that your ex will be up for another meeting.  

• The Long Wait and Test of Self Control

Now the tough part: saying goodbye...for now. 

After a successful meet up with your ex, he or she should be left with a brand new impression of you. The best part is that all pent up anger or sadness that resulted from the break up is now a distant memory. Score! Your cheery and non-aggressive attitude should also pave the way to more meetings in the future.  

Because so many things have been said and a lot of information has been given, it’s important that you give your ex some time and space to process all of the information. 

To make sure that you give your partner sufficient time to take all things into consideration, keep your schedule full and maintain an active social and work life. Over-eagerness will lead to you calling too soon if you’re not keeping busy and it could give your ex the impression that there was an ulterior motive to everything you’ve done so far. 

Remember that being patient is the best option for you right now.  Don’t panic if you don’t get a call from your ex. Just think of the lack of contact as a sign that your ex is thinking things through and there could be a positive outcome. 

Remember, expectations are like magnets. Keep them positive and good things will come. Pair this up with a good level of self-control and you have a recipe for success at your fingertips.

Are you frustrated in your attempt to get your ex back?

• Do you find that getting back your ex is an uphill task that last forever?
• Do you feel like your situation is impossible or reached a point of no return?
• Do you feel lost and cannot go on because of a breakup?
• Do you constantly check your email and voice mail to see if he/she called
• Are you feeling massively depressed
  
  If your answer to the above questions are filled with yesses, then I strongly recommend that you check out The Ex Recovery System.

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